This past weekend I decided to rewatch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I had only seen it once before when it came out on DVD and wanted to give it a second shot out of fairness.
I’m a huge fan of the Indy movies and saw each of the original three when they came out in the theaters. When I first saw Crystal Skull I loathed it almost from the very beginning to the point where I was actually angry with the movie by its lazy, phoned-in end.
Lately I figured that perhaps I was being too hard a critic, that I was perhaps holding it to too high a standard, and that – 20 years on – no actor or director is going to be able to deliver on the same level as before. In that spirit I rewatched it with an open mind. Surprisingly, my estimation of the movie did raise a bit but the problems I had the first time around – phoned-in performances from Ford and uninvolving direction from Spielburg – were still there.
However, the problem that I initially had with the story was so glaring and so obvious that it not only distracted me from Crystal Skull but also made the revisit the original three through a new prism: Indiana Jones doesn’t usually help things.
In the Crystal Skull, had Jones not gotten involved the Russians would eventually have found the skull, would eventually have found Akator, and would have eventually been killed by the alien/interdimensional being. Hence, no real substantive change in the outcome from Indy’s involvement.
But wait, you might say that Marion needed saving. To that I say Marion never needs saving – she can take care of herself with no help from Indy.
If we look at Raiders, if Indy never got involved what would have happened? Presumably the Nazis would have eventually found the Ark at some point given the map of Tanis wasn’t very big. We know that their plan was to fly the Ark directly to Berlin in the flying wing that Indy blew up, so had Indy not gotten involved the Ark would have gone to Berlin, been opened in front of Hitler, and – presuming God doesn’t like Nazis – the power of the Ark would have wiped out the capital of the Third Reich.
So, because Indy got involved we got to enjoy World War II in Europe and Hitler’s genocide.
If we look at Last Crusade, the same idea applies. Had Indy not gotten involved the Nazis would still have found the grail and would still have all been killed when they tried to take the cup past the great seal.
Now you might say that Indy needed to save his dad and that’s why he needed to get involved, but the only real danger that his dad was ever in was a direct result on Indy’s meddling. Had Indy not gotten involved dad would likely have ended up in the temple with the Nazis but would have lived through the collapse on his own because he did the first time.
The only movie of the four where Indy actually does some good is Temple of Doom because he actually does stop the Thuggees, kills Mola Ram, makes most the Shankara Stones inaccessible, and saves the children and the village.
So, now that they’re planning yet another Indy movie (Temple of Prunes?) perhaps they should either write tighter stories or just leave him on a glider on his porch because he’s making the world a worse place.
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